I was looking through some old MA sketches from 2009-11 and found some old bear sketches that I've worked on and finally see more clearly. I've been struggling to find a new way of working, to find the content that makes me tick, that I get excited about etc. I was looking over a reference from a previous lecturer from Portsmouth Uni, and he said that I would be an asset to any course etc etc, which was lovely to hear, he also said that I needed to work on my understanding of fine art and design content. Back then I didn't really understand what he meant but I do now, and although the MA has definitely improved this tenfold, I still find difficulty in finding content of my own. I almost feel like I have the know how, the capability but I just need projects, briefs to move my work forward and to give me content, because I am rubbish at choosing my own. It was easier on the MA because I had deadlines. Ironically it is under brief, with less time that I work more effectively, it would seem. With too much time and the whole world to grasp inspiration from it all feels too much.
I have started to look more closely to home and to my old sketchbooks. I have realised that the search for a new style, way of working, finished pieces etc is right under my nose. It was on the MA, under pressure of deadlines, with no pressure from audience or commercial demand, that I found that way of working. So all the small movements forward I have made with my new bits and pieces, have been ok but I feel by going back and reflecting I have moved forward even more.
I feel I need somewhere to put these new gem illustrations, so I will be making a book...possibly for Pylon Press if they'll have me. So I now have a purpose, a brief, a deadline again. Self inflicted, but never the less valid and I feel a flow of clarity and it feels nice.