I’m in my studio
working on my own work for the first time in months. With no reason other than
to follow my intuition and the drive to make. I feel an urge that will not be
satisfied until I have created something of worth. This of course could happen
today, tomorrow or in months, years time. But still I continue, without real
knowledge of when, but strongly with the faith that it will happen. I feel almost overwhelmed by the urge I am feeling to
chase a feeling of joy and fulfilment in my work. Sometimes I get close and
even feel like it is here, finally, I’ve reached the ‘Holy Grail’, and then it
fades and it starts all over again. The quest to follow, to find, to search, never
dissipates. And when I am tied up in life, in work and have no time for myself,
the feeling is pushed into my heart like a hamster stocking up for winter. I
can’t help but feel this intense pressure boiling up inside.
But today I am working,
and the feeling is intensifying like no other day I have had of late. I feel
like my body and mind are suppressing my heart but in the same breath allowing
my hands to feel the way forward, through the dirge of my mind. It is through
my hands that I must make sense of a situation. Listening to Eno, erasing all
distractions of words, of form, or reason, my hands are talking and creating
once more… they are home. My words flowing through my fingers, I must get back
to my hands, to breathe, to create, to colour my world.
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